Thoughts from tonight’s Addiction Medicine & Recovery Services (AMRS) groups class observation of 2024..
People who attend addiction meetings are some of the bravest people in society.
I don’t think people consider the amount of self-honesty it takes to sit in a space with strangers and literally self-admit you have a life debilitating problem(s). Vulnerability: does it make someone “soft” or “hard”? Or both?
The complexities a facilitator must hold while in virtual group psychotherapy is… beyond words. From monitoring room entrances, exits, disconnects, chat logs, logging each individual’s check-in report of weekly progress, monitoring engagement and conversation, modeling and/or sitting with trainees, all whilst taking notes to report back to a health industrial complex system, and then thinking about what’s for dinner when they get home/a break… There is no metric for that magic.
I suppose covert “teach and learn” dynamics have always intrigued me. A seasoned and/or research educated cosmic astrologer might attest it to my/a human’s natural curiosity. But I want to highlight teachers who don’t tell you answers, but allow you to discern or show answers. I am currently placed with Veronica, the current AMRS facilitator, and she does this. As I was taking notes on HALT, I turned my focus back to the virtual screen and observed the sensitivity in the room. I noted a return attendee, Kayla, break down how essentially she was disappointed in herself. Kayla felt she was “back at square one”, having to restart her day count of being sober from alcohol. She was asking how people have dealt with uncomfortable emotions and the stress that subsequently affects their relationship with their substance(s) of choice. I was not prepared for the channeling that was to come out of one of our most seasoned “OG” attendees — (let’s call him) Peter’s mouth. Peter was on his 300+ days sober from alcohol, and he definitely had a thing or like, 5 to say and share. He did not speak of his personal story, but I learned offline, that his relationship to alcohol was so toxic that it cost him daily connection to his wife and children. Since I had just joined in this rotation just recently, I was unsure how long he had been reporting to this facilitator’s specific group, yet he remained so reclusive, Veronica shared she was still unable to gather all of Peter’s life tea.
At this point, Peter was channeling so much wisdom it was equivalent to a church sermon.
All the ears in that room tonight heard knowledge that was inspiring and healing. It was so healing in ways I am still challenged in finding the words to fully describe it. Perhaps its a live demonstration of self-compassion in raw form, looking through the lens of addiction for all humans, no matter what context, within at least 3 different perspectives (theirs, mine, and mainstream society’s).
You just had to be. there.
The impact of feeling this compassion heightened as I wrapped up the night after all the attendees left; consulting briefly with Veronica, and learned that the reason why Veronica made an unusual exception for another attendee, Jessica, to join — was frankly because Jessica was going through it. Jessica was enduring the aftermath from life’s possible tragedies (car accident, intimate partner violence, and attempted suicide just a few days ago). It was cruel because they happened all within a week’s time.
I am not speaking lightly when I say how heavy that information is to carry in a therapeutic space. “Healing” may be trendy, but it is not always glamorous. It requires brute mental strength, courage, conviction, and a dimension of vulnerability that makes softness one of the hardest and strongest phenomena only some humans can do in their lifetime.
